He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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