I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I currently don't understand fingers.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize