these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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