: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
