While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
