I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
