Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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