It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
