What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
honey bunches of taint.
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Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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