Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
