You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
