I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
