and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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