yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
