I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
