Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
