I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
