Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
