I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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