My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
