i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
