I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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