is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
