Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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