I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
