You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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