Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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