I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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