well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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