I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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