She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
