He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Never joke about your clitoris.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
