a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am full of burrito and curiosity
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
