Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
