so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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