we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
