Will you blow on my dice?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
