JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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