Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
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legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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