I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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