I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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