My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I look better un-naked...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
