i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
