my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
