I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
