oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
