i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
