you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
