it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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