Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
