I am puke
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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