Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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