Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
