i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
