oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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