sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i dont even know how to be here
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
