The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
