Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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