Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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