I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
