He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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