so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
