Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
