My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
