I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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