Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
