i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
