party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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