big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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