I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
