dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
