Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
