I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
