so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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