i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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