dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
