im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
