Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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