Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
