3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
