Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
