ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize