Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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