I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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