If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
