they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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