U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
