This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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