maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
