where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
