I want to walk on stilts...naked
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
