then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
